What is it really like to help a friend in crisis?

CONTENT WARNING: The following blog post discusses the Baker Act and thoughts of suicide.

Dear reader,

I’ve been there. It’s 2 AM. You’re asleep. The phone rings. In a sleepy haze, you pick it up. You see that you have 2 missed calls from the same friend and more text messages than you can count.

You’re suddenly terrified.

I hear people talk about peer support and what friends can do to help each other in times of stress. In times of crisis. But what is that REALLY like? What REALLY happens when you get that phone call in the middle of the night? What do you do?

You answer the call.

I answered the call. And then I got in my car, still in my pajamas, and drove to where I thought they were.

I say “thought” because I wasn’t sure. The voice on the phone was my friend’s, but something was off and all I knew is that I was needed. And all I could think of was the fact that nobody had ever prepared me for something like this.

The ending of this story looks different for everyone. For me - I made it there. I called the police (because I didn’t know what else to do). And my friend got what was needed to be healthier. To survive.

But no one talks about these experiences. You become a support system for your friends in college and nobody tells you that those relationships could become the strongest ones in your life.

And no one warns you about the aftermath.

You don’t get to talk to your friend after they are Baker Acted. You have to wait to hear if they are okay. And then you have to face the reactions of your own support system when you lean on them.

Do you want to know what I was told?

“It’s okay to be mad at them.”

But how? How could I be mad at someone who felt like the only thing that would free them of their pain was suicide? How could I be mad at someone for reaching out to me as a last attempt to stay with us?

Was I scared? Yes. Did I spend months after worrying about if they were really healing? Yes.

But you know what?

The only thing that really mattered was that they called me. They trusted me enough to help them.

And it is okay to be mad. But I wasn’t.

While I hope no one is ever in this situation, I would do it again. The reality is – mental health exists. Mental health can decline. And people need their support systems to survive. I will be that support system for anyone who needs it. I hope that all of my friends feel this safe with me. I hope they all lean on me.

And my advice for anyone in this situation – remember that helping people, need help too. It is okay to talk to someone about these experiences. They happened to you too. You experienced it too and are allowed to feel your feelings and lean on your support system for help.

- A Studio Wesley Team Member