Rebuilding a Relationship with Rest

I am officially setting off for winter break! A time to be with friends and family, to celebrate those you love, and take time away from work to rest.

Unfortunately, I don’t think I ever fully grasped the concept of “rest.”

As a young child with ADHD, my relationship with rest was entirely antagonistic. I viewed moments of downtime as a prison sentence and imagined boredom to be my biggest enemy.

As I got older, and became more involved in the world around me, I was no longer AGAINST rest, but my time was always dominated by something else.

Middle and high school days were filled with school, rehearsals, volunteering, and numerous part time jobs. After launching an offense against rest as a child, it seemed to retreat.

But here’s the thing about being an anxious people pleaser with ADHD… I got use to an absence of rest. Not only use to it, I thrived on it.

My mind got used to having a million things to do, and my body, assisted by a minor caffeine addiction, learned to keep up.

Overworked became a personality trait and lack of rest grew to be an integral part of my identity; one I was not prepared to live without. I lost my ability to exist in quiet moments with nothing to do, my brain began to crave that feeling of being overworked.

So what if I constantly feared messing something up? Who cares if I couldn’t imagine a future where I wasn’t overworked? Why does it matter that burnout became a closer companion than rest?

At least I wouldn’t have to deal with downtime.

After a second summer of putting my all into three jobs at once, I knew something had to change.

I had to rebuild my relationship with rest. It was time to break my dependence on overworking and learn to rest again.

And not just a “doom scroll after an exhausting day of work” rest; real, deep rest with the power to recharge mind, body, and soul.

I’d love to end this post by saying I’ve perfected my relationship with rest, but lying in an anonymous blog post feels wrong.

Over the last semester I have made important strides by setting boundaries for myself around when and how I think about work, and shifting my viewpoint to no longer wear stress like a badge of honor.

I have found ways to give myself real breaks and learned to separate my identity from the work I am producing.

As previously said, I am no where near perfect (he writes in a blog post on a plane ride where he could rest).

But I am proud that I have begun rebuilding my relationship with rest.

So happy holidays everyone! Take some time for yourself. Hope everyone can get some rest this season.

Sincerely,

[Studio Wesley/Wesley’s Revival Team Member]